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and i'm sure were all tired of seeing these posts. but this one was somewhat worth it. seeing as its being made into a song, so you'll get to see the lyrics first, and then here the song that goes with it. critiquing would be nice too. so here ya go:

Excuse me while i swallow,
and i don't mean to be shallow,
but the peices of your advice
seem out of line,

These words are hard to follow,
overcome by all the sorrow,
and maybe i'm just hollow
but i'd rather be alone,

and don't be___ afra___id,to
break your we___there___d cage

This is just
unaccept-able
so now your not welcome here

This is just
unaccept-able
so now your not welcome here

this world is complicated enough
without complete cooperation of
every single living and breathing
able bodied human being

and don't be___ afra___id,to
break your we___there___d cage

This is just
unaccept-able
so now your not welcome here

(higher octave)
This is just
unaccept-able
so now your not welcome here___

Cool, not any real 'flaws' I can pick out at the moment, but then again I just woke up so I may not be too observant
I like the verses, they seem to steer clear of most of the 'bad' cliches...
This one--

Quote:this world is complicated enough
without complete cooperation of
every single living and breathing
able bodied human being

Kinda reminds me of Pink Floyd for some reason. (that's a good thing)
Keep writin' 8)

cool. your opinion counts in my book

anyone else?

::EDIT::
it's also nice to have some floyd fans in the forum! go roger waters, you crazy bastard!

you didn't just listen a little bit to much to my song i posted in the other thread did you? he, i swear if your song just sounds a little like mine i'll send laywers hehe nm

Quote:you didn't just listen a little bit to much to my song i posted in the other thread did you? he, i swear if your song just sounds a little like mine i'll send laywers hehe nm

i thought you would post in here about that. i actually thought that i put these out earlier and "you" copied them but i knew it was probably a big coincidence. these were written about a month ago, i just finished them off with that last verse yesterday.

hey it's kwel with me he. i just found it really funny i wrote that a weel ago or so. i'd be really interested in that song of yours. plus i like the lyrics

Swallow and shallow is atrociously half-rhymed. Otherwise, I don't really care or mind.

Quote:Swallow and shallow is atrociously half-rhymed. Otherwise, I don't really care or mind.

i have an accent if that helps. all my "a"s sound the same

nah lyrics don't have to rhyme a hundred percent, that's where things start to get a little more organic what i really like ...