08-08-2006, 08:19 AM
Beer tastes pretty damn good, and now, a story I wrote:
Randomness Roxx0rz!
So, there was this one day that i felt like eating some venison. For those of you that dont know, venison is deer meat. Not wanting to break a headlight, which is the only vulnerable part on my monstor of a car, I decided I would go hunting. Then I realized I didn't have anything to kill a deer with. I needed a weapon. I had a revelation...bow and arrow, baby! w00t!
I went scavenging. I needed something that was already curved or that could be curved. I didn't want to make it out of wood because I also happen to be a pyromaniac and wanted flaming arrows. Lucky for me, I saw a flyer for the circus and decided I would construct an elephant tusk bow.
Three days later I purchased a ticket to the circus for $8 with my $2 off coupon. I must say, the bearded lady laying on a bed of nails while spitting fire as little people on tricycles rode up a ramp and over her, was my favorite part. After an hour of crazy acts and stupid skits and one liners...the elephants came out. During the intermission the little kids were riding the elephants, parents took tons of pictures, half the crowd seemed to be in the concession lines and the other half was in the bathrooms. This was my perfect chance to make my move. I snuck into the elephant cages behind the curtains and hid under a pile of hay. It was warm and sticky, I dunno what thats about. I would wait here for 4 hours and 53 minutes.
After all the lights were turned off and all the animal tamers and trainers had left, I emerged from the hay. Just in time for Ruby to sit on my right leg. I screamed and startled her. She made some crazy elephant noise and ran to the other side of the cage. Thats the last thing I remember until I woke-up to see the stars above me. I looked at my watch and it was 3am. I suddenly remembered where I had been and was puzzled as how I got outside in the middle of a cornfield. I then noticed I was floating above the corn. Holy crap! I was on top of an elephant.
Ruby scensed my confudlement and stopped. I slid over Ruby's head and down her trunk. I began to hear voices and I was scared that someone would find us and think I had stolen Ruby. I took everything in for a second and realized it was only one voice. "Are yooou okaaay?" I wondered who it could be, and where it was coming from, then Ruby nudgd me with her trunk. I realized I could hear Ruby talking. "I'm fine," I said, "what happened?" Ruby explained that I had passed out in her cage. She picked my up with her trunk and blew that joint.
Ruby had saved me from certain jail time if anybody had found my in her cage.
I felt like I had to tell her what I had planed. She said that she knew how appealing elephant trunks were and informed me of the poachers in South America. She told be of howhe family was killed by them when she was just a baby. The poachers took her and sold her to a Mexican. She travelled throughout Mexico for 12 years before hurting her foot when a man wearing a funny hat ran into her with his tiny car. She was sold to a zoo in Texas and eventually, her wounds healed. Some animal activists broke into the zoo late one night and released all the animals. Ruby escaped and joined a traveling circus in Nevada. After 8 years of travelling the country, she was devising a plan to escape. She had hidded the a key in her trunk the very night that I snuck into her cage.
We sat under the stars and I started to feel hungry. So, Ruby and I went to WalMart at 4am and ate all the salted in shell peanuts they had.
THE END
So, where's my pulitzer? :humm:
Randomness Roxx0rz!
So, there was this one day that i felt like eating some venison. For those of you that dont know, venison is deer meat. Not wanting to break a headlight, which is the only vulnerable part on my monstor of a car, I decided I would go hunting. Then I realized I didn't have anything to kill a deer with. I needed a weapon. I had a revelation...bow and arrow, baby! w00t!
I went scavenging. I needed something that was already curved or that could be curved. I didn't want to make it out of wood because I also happen to be a pyromaniac and wanted flaming arrows. Lucky for me, I saw a flyer for the circus and decided I would construct an elephant tusk bow.
Three days later I purchased a ticket to the circus for $8 with my $2 off coupon. I must say, the bearded lady laying on a bed of nails while spitting fire as little people on tricycles rode up a ramp and over her, was my favorite part. After an hour of crazy acts and stupid skits and one liners...the elephants came out. During the intermission the little kids were riding the elephants, parents took tons of pictures, half the crowd seemed to be in the concession lines and the other half was in the bathrooms. This was my perfect chance to make my move. I snuck into the elephant cages behind the curtains and hid under a pile of hay. It was warm and sticky, I dunno what thats about. I would wait here for 4 hours and 53 minutes.
After all the lights were turned off and all the animal tamers and trainers had left, I emerged from the hay. Just in time for Ruby to sit on my right leg. I screamed and startled her. She made some crazy elephant noise and ran to the other side of the cage. Thats the last thing I remember until I woke-up to see the stars above me. I looked at my watch and it was 3am. I suddenly remembered where I had been and was puzzled as how I got outside in the middle of a cornfield. I then noticed I was floating above the corn. Holy crap! I was on top of an elephant.
Ruby scensed my confudlement and stopped. I slid over Ruby's head and down her trunk. I began to hear voices and I was scared that someone would find us and think I had stolen Ruby. I took everything in for a second and realized it was only one voice. "Are yooou okaaay?" I wondered who it could be, and where it was coming from, then Ruby nudgd me with her trunk. I realized I could hear Ruby talking. "I'm fine," I said, "what happened?" Ruby explained that I had passed out in her cage. She picked my up with her trunk and blew that joint.
Ruby had saved me from certain jail time if anybody had found my in her cage.
I felt like I had to tell her what I had planed. She said that she knew how appealing elephant trunks were and informed me of the poachers in South America. She told be of howhe family was killed by them when she was just a baby. The poachers took her and sold her to a Mexican. She travelled throughout Mexico for 12 years before hurting her foot when a man wearing a funny hat ran into her with his tiny car. She was sold to a zoo in Texas and eventually, her wounds healed. Some animal activists broke into the zoo late one night and released all the animals. Ruby escaped and joined a traveling circus in Nevada. After 8 years of travelling the country, she was devising a plan to escape. She had hidded the a key in her trunk the very night that I snuck into her cage.
We sat under the stars and I started to feel hungry. So, Ruby and I went to WalMart at 4am and ate all the salted in shell peanuts they had.
THE END
So, where's my pulitzer? :humm:
Should I just move to the site design then?
hifty: