02-02-2007, 08:52 PM
The plans for a Microsoft Extreme Programming method:
Quote:Microsoft, now introducing our version of the Extreme Programming method! We will now use the XP programming method because we're on Vista and we really don't give a fuck about XP and whether users are confused about it any more, although we're more than willing to sue the original XP method for copyright infringement. Bye bye, Oklahoma's Microsoft XP department.
The Values of XP Programming:
G.
R.
O.
I.
N.
S.
Greed: Here at Microsoft, our main goal is money. Making money, spending money (only to make even more money), and destroying anyone who makes money besides us. If you have an idea, no matter what it is, pitch it to the public like no one has ever thought of it before and raise the price 10x what development costs were. This will help Greed.
Running: When there's trouble, run from it. If there's a small business that appears to be having trouble keeping confidential documents from public, run away as fast as possible. The upper management of the company will soon be down with their lawyers and private police squad to annihilate them. Knowing when and how to run is a very important skill that you will learn while working with Microsoft. On average, Microsoft runs on 3 out of 4 of every company they work with. You first wish to stop talking to them, confusing the 3rd party development team and allowing for mistakes and havoc to occur. We then make an announcement that we no longer will support such behavior, and break all ties with the company. Bringing down more than one small, home-run business at once is a plus.
Overprice: All products at Microsoft must be 10x the price that development cost us, as stated above. Overpricing helps us both with the Greed and the Running. Other companies who can not compete with our prices will surely be eliminated. Remember, 30 day free trials must NEVER actually be free. Using unused space on the hard drive, make sure to save personal information such as credit card numbers and home addresses to allow us to later find and access this data later.
Imperfection: NEVER, and we stress this, NEVER release a bug-free product, ever. Releasing a bug-free product which is adaptable to multiple systems means that we can not release and charge for further fixes to these bugs. Remember, Greed. All software upgrades must not be compatable with the original hardware and software it was built for. I., may also stand for Ignorance. When people begin questioning why some people's versions of a software will work on one setup (the original installation), which other people's versions will not work on that same setup (a second installation/upgrade), we will simply tell them that we do not know, or give the virus loophole in our operating systems a shot.
Net: All programming must convert to .NET, as hardware manufacturers along with anti-virus companies have not yet discovered our implanted code in .NET infastructure.
Sabotage: 37N, 122W. You will fucking kill Google. RaHHHH!! *throws chair*