01-02-2005, 03:48 AM
The start of your story looks good, although it reminds me of something...I can't remember what.
I get confused on this sentence. Effortless tries to dry his face? Did he succeed in drying his face? Or do you mean "useless" tries? Wasn't their a paper towel dispenser somewhere, since he used a paper towel to wipe his shirt?
I'm not trying to get technical. I'm just trying to help in letting you know what I thought while reading this story.
I'm confused here too. Studdered isn't a word, is it? I guess you meant 'stuttered', but that dosen't make much since, unless you meant 'stumbled'?
Besides that, it's a good start
Quote: After a few effortless tries to dry his face with the hand dryer, he walked out of the menâs room and back into the chaos that was, the bar.
I get confused on this sentence. Effortless tries to dry his face? Did he succeed in drying his face? Or do you mean "useless" tries? Wasn't their a paper towel dispenser somewhere, since he used a paper towel to wipe his shirt?
I'm not trying to get technical. I'm just trying to help in letting you know what I thought while reading this story.
Quote: The man studdered for a moment, and turned his head.
I'm confused here too. Studdered isn't a word, is it? I guess you meant 'stuttered', but that dosen't make much since, unless you meant 'stumbled'?
Besides that, it's a good start