Oh my, FileAnchor is getting sued. By a boy band at that!

[Sumo Jo]

The other day we received a message through our support system asking for us to remove a copyright image. We assumed this was going to be a simple clear cut yes or no thing, depending on whether proof would be provided that the image was copyright. Although the creator of the ticket seemed a bit rude, we didn't think too much of it.

This is the file in question:
This is the original: pacificavenue.co.uk/images/104.jpg

Upon visiting the site, we realized that we were dealing with a British boy band. In fact, one of the main members was the one who filed the support ticket (Alan). Well, it's not too hard to realize from comparing the two images, that other than their faces, there are no striking similarities and while the photoshop is terrible, they don't own the copyright on it.

So one of our admins sent them this email back in response:

Hi Alan,

I’ve reviewed the offending image (http://fileanchor.com/30803-r.jpg) and the original on your site (pacificavenue.co.uk/images/104.jpg) and I believe that the image we are hosting qualifies as a parody and is not in violation of your copyright. In order to not inconvenience the uploader of this image, we will not remove it from our servers at this time.

Please let me know if you have any questions.

Marc Santa
FileAnchor.com

Hoping this would be the last we heard from this terrible boy band, we moved on with our lives. I should have known better though as yesterday we received this email

From: Pacific Avenue's Alan
Sent: Friday, June 23, 2006 4:38 AM
To: Marc Santa
Subject: Re: FileAnchor Support Ticket

Hello Marc,

Thank you for this message. How can you say that this is not a violation of
copyright? I own the copyright on all the pictures on my website, it is
against my terms on my website to take any of my pictures and change them in
any way, let alone host them somewhere else.
This image is not a parody. This modified image is deformation of character
and is being used in harrasment against us. I cannot believe that you have
said that you do not want to cause "inconvenience to the uploader"... So, he
steals my image, modifies it in a way so it looks like the 3 participants
are
engaging in gay sex, posts it on public forums deliberately causing grief
and
yet, you do not want to cause HIM any inconveinence??

I am sorry but since you are not willing to take the offensive image down, i
have no choice but to seek legal advice from my lawyer on this matter.
Please supply me with a full mailing address where he can contact you by
post.

Alan Fraser.

Oh no, a lawsuit they say. For deformation of character? I decided, since they were going to create laws that I was breaking by hosting the image, I was going to create a lawyer to defend myself against them. Why not.

Here's "his" message back to them:

Alan,

Hello, I am Bertrand J. Von Nostrin and I legally represent FileAnchor. I also handle any and all legal matters for the party previously mentioned. While I am not legally considered an attorney, I do know a lot about lying and suits, so I figured I'd be perfect for this job. I'd like to also acknowledge that I'm suffering from a terrible hangover and am having a hard time focusing. Also, since you'll find out through the grapevine later on, yes my wife is leaving me and yes, it is because I'm "a lowlife scum that will never go anywhere in life". I don't think I'm that bad. If you'll bear with me, I'll review your messages and complaints as legally possible as I can.

First I'll take on your count of "deformation your character". While I don't legally understand how one can deform a character, I've drawn a diagram of what I believe DEFORMED character appears like: http://fileanchor.com/38051-r.png . Please check this diagram and let me know if this is how you feel. I'd hate to see you guys all squiggly and spotted. (I had a friend that actually had the same happen and had to spend a year in the hospital, so I'd hate for the same to happen to you nice guys).

Second I'll ahdfs;lh (sorry about that random text, my cat Sheela just jumped on the keyboard and I don't have a backspace key. No matter how much whiteout I put on the screen it doesn't go away either. If you know what to do about it let me know.) take a look at your claims of harassment (I'm going to assume that's what you meant by "harrasment"). While I'm sure you guys have felt terrible about the image and are crying yourself to sleep every night, I don't believe my party was responsible at all for this. Although while we're just pinning harassment on any and everyone, I really dislike traffic, the little corn cobs that come in stir fry, the Holocaust, rug burn and the feeling of pepper spray in your eyes (that crazy ex-wife). If you could please remove those from life, I'd be very pleased. I'd hate to have to sue!

After speaking about this with the owner of the site, we'd also like to counter sue on the grounds that our ears won't stop bleeding after listening to your music. Seriously, I have to buy a new pair of speakers and my office (the loft above the pizza king on 4th street) is now surrounded by "TEENY BOPPERS"! I don't even know what the hell that means, but I'm sure that's what they are.

If you'd please send me your information so I can proceed with the counter suit, it would be greatly appreciated. Sheela and I will be waiting for your next correspondence.

Also, please don't, as my ex-wife did, assume there's something more going on between Sheela and I. She's just a good friendly cat. That's all.

Sincerely,

Bertrand J. Von Nostrin
Nostrin and Associates

THIS EMAIL IS CONFIDENTIAL AND WE REMOVE ANY ABILITY FOR YOU TO TOUCH THIS WITH ANY OTHER PAIR OF EYES THAN YOURS. IF IT IS FOUND THAT YOU DO SO, A REPORT WILL BE MADE TO THE FEDERAL ALLIANCE OF SECURITY AND INDEPENDENCE DEPARTMENT: FEDERAL UNDERGROUND COALITION OF KEEP ONLY FREE FORCES OATH KINSMAN (FASAIDFUCKOFFOK).

While I'm sure the last part could have been withheld, I think overall the message will do what was needed. I will post an update if I get a response back.

[Plasma]

3 letters:

TPB

[Sumo Jo]

3 letters:

TPB

I'm only a bit away from you in Michigan, not Sweden. Unless of course you're saying I'm writing a letter like theirs.

[TheAdventMaster]

oasjdfklajsrehljf OMFG that last part had to be the funniest FUCKING thing I have *ever* read in my life!
:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

[Dr_Davenstein]

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

I can't type anything else because I 'm laughing too hard!...

[Plasma]

3 letters:

TPB

I'm only a bit away from you in Michigan, not Sweden. Unless of course you're saying I'm writing a letter like theirs.

Yeah, that's what I meant.

[Sumo Jo]

Yeah, except I couldn't just email "We live in Sweden, so enjoy downloading our torrent of your movie!"

[NovaProgramming]

That's some pretty funny stuff. I like the fact that the guy seriously thinks that he has a case against you :o . I used to think people from Britain were smart... no more...

EDIT: hifty: they claim to be from california... hifty:

(just kidding)

did anyone else have to Google TPB? :S Of course I get it now after reading further down, but ... I felt like I was left out of the loop (just like the first time someone told me to 'RTFM'....)

Good job Fileanchor is still number one.

[TheAdventMaster]

did anyone else have to Google TPB?

I googled it and I still don't get it, but whatever.

I can't type anything else because I 'm laughing too hard!...

Sorta like when foreigners tell you what you need to know then explain they know absolutely no more of the language you speak than what they just said. Lol...

[Dr_Davenstein]

Trailer Park Boys...